Be kind to yourself. Stop telling yourself that whatever you are struggling with “should” be easy. If something is hard for you, it is hard for you. There are probably Reasons, though those may just be how you are wired. Acknowledge these things. When you finish something hard, be proud! Celebrate a little.
And really, just stop saying “should” to yourself about your thoughts and feelings in any context. You feel how you feel. The things in your head are the things in your head. You can’t change either directly through sheer force of will. You can only change what you do. Stop beating yourself up for who and what you are right now–it isn’t productive. Focus on moving forward.
Great. One really eye-opening thing a wise friend once said to me was never to deny yourself or someone else the pain that they’re feeling. Even if you think it’s not as important or shouldn’t be as big as someone else’s pain, what you are feeling is valid, and that’s all that matters. If you feel it, it exists, and you are allowed to feel it.
On Periods: Let’s put this shit to bed right now: Women don’t lose their minds when they have period-related irritability. It doesn’t lower their ability to reason; it lowers their patience and, hence, tolerance for bullshit. If an issue comes up a lot during “that time of the month,” that doesn’t mean she only cares about it once a month; it means she’s bothered by it all the time and lacks the capacity, once a month, to shove it down and bury it beneath six gulps of willful silence.
’Slut’ is attacking women for their right to say yes. ‘Friend Zone’ is attacking women for their right to say no.
Don’t hang out with people who don’t love you. Don’t try to impress people who aren’t worth it. Don’t try to win people over who aren’t worth it. Focus on yourself, and focus on the people who are really awesome and who love you. Don’t hang out with people who make you feel like shit. Don’t spend your energy on them. There is so much pressure to be part of the right thing: well, you should create the right thing. If you don’t see it, create it. If you don’t see what you want, be the change you want to see.
Read this Village Voice cover story this morning and got my life + became a fan. Specifically here:
“Quattlebaum says he hates … the field of queer studies along with it. ‘I have a lot of problems with the academic queer community because it’s a community that exists completely removed from reality,’ he says. ‘Those kids who are selling their bodies on the West Side Highway, on Christopher Street, they don’t even know what the fuck queer theory is.’”
Hence our need to be rooted in grassroots, in the streets, in solidarity with those who are “marginalized.” I’m done with folks and organizations speaking our names and bodies in theory, in death, in stats. Yet ignoring the same folks they discuss in theory without ever knowing us, without ever trying to engage, without ever “outreaching,” without ever lending the stage and resources to us.
As a trans woman of color - no matter what space I enter - I have one stilletoed foot on the street. Always.
<3 <3 <3
this is a constant inner-struggle i have with myself. the balance between academia and grass-roots activism. it’s a sad reality that having academic ‘credentials’ makes people listen to you more when you are doing your activism work. trying to keep the balance so i can be as an effective voice as possible. not easy. this is a good reminder what it’s all about.
mykki blanco is quite honestly amazing if you haven’t seen the music video fo wavvy i highly recommend
mykki blanco came to Vassar but I was too busy being in South America. Would have been really cool to see
how to dress for your shape: are you human-shaped? play up your natural sex appeal by wearing whatever the fuck you want
(Photo: AFP - Getty Images)
France became the 14th country in the world to allow same-sex couples to wed Tuesday, when its parliament approved a law that has sparked often violent street protests and a rise in homophobic attacks.